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This week: My Funny Valentine Poetry Contest

Valentine's Day is on the horizon, folks. Given how much you liked writing haiku about NYC's Progress Reports and suggesting costumes for the Halloween Edu-Parade, we're due for a contest.

Fire up your amorous feelings for our education policy makers (or bloggers), and submit a "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue..." poem. As always: poking is awesome, nastiness is not. I'll get us started:

To Margaret Spellings:

Roses are blue,
Violets are red,
Sexy librarian glasses
Look swell on your head.

To Diane Ravitch and Debbie Meier:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Why aren't there men
As smart as you two?

To Charlie Barone:

Roses are red
George Miller is clever
Straight up now tell me
Are you really gonna love me forever?

Not sure who should be your Valentine? Here are some ideas:

*Joel Klein
*Mike Bloomberg
*Michelle Rhee
*Arne Duncan
*Alexander Russo
*Joanne Jacobs
*Kevin Carey
*Ted Kennedy
*George Miller
*Jim Liebman
*Eli Broad
*Bill Gates
*Randi Weingarten
*Your favorite edu-blogger (be sure to link to their site)
*Your favorite education reporter
*Your principal

If you're the shy type, you can use a pseudonym name and email to leave a poem as a comment.

Roses are red,
but different intelligences
should hopscotch on colors
'stead of learning their elegances.

Thanks for breaking the ice, Diana!

And to Bloomberg:

Roses are red,
Fashion Week is whack,
Who would have guessed,
You'd bring sexy back.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Scared of our candidates
And you should be too.

Change is the word
But no one says how
We can’t ask them questions
They just want us to bow

They all owe favors
The system is broken
Bloomberg owes no one
Oft goes to work on a subway token

We must draft Mayor Bloomberg
Experience and leadership the key
The others don’t have them
Eek, where will we be?

Get Bloomberg into the race
No matter where you’re from
Sign the online petition
At http://draftbloomberg.com

Re Draft Bloomberg:

Roses are yellow
Violets are red
Sign that petition, you say?
Not 'til I'm dead

A man who owes no one
Is terrifying, indeed
Give me Hillary or Barack
A king we don't need

For Michael Bloomberg

Roses are red,
I like them fine,
Mike buys votes,
but he won't buy mine.

For Bill Gates

Roses are red,
Violets are Blue
If you lost all your money,
We'd forget about you.

For Joel Klein

Roses are red
Shamrocks are green,
Your face is ugly
And you are mean.

To Michelle Rhee:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
If I worked for you,
You'd probably fire me too

To the Education Trust:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Setting national education policy --
Who the heck elected you?

Oh please, draft Bloomberg
Please let him run
The Nation will know
To what schools he has done.

The press will be forced to
Look more pragmatically
They won’t accept statements
As truth automatically.

Roses we sequence
and thorns summarize;
still the strategy spaceship
breaks up in the skies.

To bloggers Joanne Jacobs and Alexander Russo:

Roses are red
Violets are fateful
You sniff out the news
For that I am grateful.

Roses are red
Bloomberg's not funny
No kudos for stealing
All my school's money!

roses are just divine
they're more beautiful in paris
woe for joel klein
who loves fickle aris

To Eduwonkette:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're avatar's funny
But are you one person or two?


Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm scared of your candidate
And you should be too.

Change is the word
But no one says how
We can't ask him questions
He just wants us to bow

They all owe him favors
Sycophants all
Politicians should be accountable
Or made to fall

He made an already broken school system
So much worse
Failed reorganizations galore
Parents and teachers curse

He goes to work on a subway token
For a few blocks for show
After being dropped off by his SUV
To avoid the snow

We must draft Mayor Bloomberg
To go to Iraq
Where his "experience" and "leadership"
Will prove his lack

Get Bloomberg into the race
I suggest he run 10 miles a day
A year from now
He will have gone away

And New York City schools
Will say "Hooray!"

To Joel Klein:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My school's over 250% capacity,
Can my 5th period class meet in your office?

The roses so bright
Their beauty uncurbed
School budgets tight
The curse of Bloomberg

Violets are blue
Roses are red
Education policy
Out of my bed!

Education "reformers"
Are breaking a sweat
Noone knows policy
Better than 'ette!

The roses are dead
The violets no hue
Bloomberg's the mayor
Good times for the few

Money's the word
LLP's a cash cow
Don't agree with his herd
Then get out of town

Society balls and party favors
Don't talk unless spoken
His arrogant behavior
There must be a way to revoke-him

We must stop Mayor Mike
We must get kahones
The others don’t have them
They're busy strokin him

He has no place in the race
No matter where you’re from
Ah fungoo your petition
respite from mike

Roses are red,
And some are bicolor,
Beating up on BloomKlein
Couldn't be any duller.

Roses are red,
and so's my Rolls Royce.
Huh? Oh, I sell prep
for multiple choice.

Hey, this isn't eduwonkette's gloomy haiku contest -- it's a Valentine's Day poetryfest. Where's the romance? Where's the love? Where are the sweet nothings to whisper to your favorite policy wonk?

It has gotten kind of dark, skoolboy.

Roses are red,
Eli Broad is naughty
We desperately need
An ed policy hottie.

If you have one in mind, head over to thisweekineducation.com.

Roses are red,
But most have a thorn,
I get a kick from
the musings of Dorn.

Sherman, that is.

Cardinals are red,
And roses are too,
EduDiva can show-me
The pulse of St. Loo.


From Schoolgal--posted to my blog:

Randi Randi
Quite the dandy
How's does your power grow?
With hacks with no views
and increased union dues.

You take grievance powers away
and lengthen our year and days
No wonder teachers are singing the blues!

Roses are red
And their stems are so thin
For a predictable slant
I read Checker Finn.

Checker's memoir, Troublemaker: A Personal History of School Reform Since Sputnik, has just been published by Princeton University Press. skoolboy doesn't often agree with Checker, but he's a smart, entertaining, if sometimes maddening, gadfly. And he's certainly had a Checkered career.

Over at Ms. Frizzle, she takes the challenge:

Some desire roses
or tickets to Paris
but if she’s an educrat,
just give her ARIS.

If what you’re seeking
is to be warmly enveloped,
seek no further:
my school’s well-developed.

To our Coy Mayor

Had we but money enough, and time,
These policies, mayor, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
to teach and pass our students’ day;
Thou by the preslugged scantrons’ marks
shouldst value-added find; we by our books
would scarce complain. We’d yet
elect you mayor, then president,
and you should, if you please, refuse,
‘til the conversion of reds to blues.
Our interim database should grow
vaster than the IRS, and show less.
A hundred years should go to prep
the ELA and to administer DRAs;
two hundred to prep the math test
but thirty thousand for the rest,
an age at least to music and art
and the last age should show our heart,
for mayor, our children deserve this much,
nor through the standards should we rush.

But at our backs we always hear
Time’s winged chariot hurrying near;
and daily, youth in schools we see,
tabula rasa of city policy.
Thy numbers shall no more be found,
nor, when adults become, shall sound
such condemning song; once grown they’ll try
that oft-promised accountability,
if your math test gains deserved trust,
or if all that’s left is what was cut.
Test scores show things and sometimes rise
but none I think are there made wise.

Now therefore, while the mayoral sweat
beads on thy brow for some time yet,
and while thy willing soul transpires
and Tweed is filled with bright young hires,
Now let you restore funds while you may;
And now, like a statesman day by day,
rather at once to schools provide
than impoverish, demand, divide.
Let us pour all our funds, and forthwith,
all our power, into these kids;
and prepare them for both joy and strife
through depth and breadth early in life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
stand still, yet we will make him run.

Candy is dandy
But liquor is quicker
'wonk and 'wonkette
Are destined to bicker.

I'll have something for this soon. This was good overall.

"On A Day Called Valentine's"

Once upon a time... on a day called Valentine's...
Two lovers tied the knot and rang their wedding chimes.
Love was in the air to all who stood and stared.
The entire town was there.
Got one man really mad.
Staring from a far feeling tipsy from the bar...
Was the father of the bride who wasn't up to par.
He had been the one who spoiled all the fun.
He cursed his in-law son in hopes that he would run.
As the father disapproved, the groom had yet to move.
With his beaty eyes still glued...
He didn't know what else to do.
He then heard someone shout.
A woman's voice within the croud.
"They're in love she screamed out loud...
So for that you should be proud.
It was then when he had realized as the tears leaked from his eyes.
Everyone was so suprised when he began to apologize.
He was wrong he did admit.
Saddened by his sudden fit.
All the wiskey that he sipped...
Intensified the way he flipped.
He than began confessing that his daughter had his blessing.
He stopped his second guessing when he finally learned his lesson.
He raised a glass of wine to toast the groom and bride.
Their wedding turned out fine...
On that day called Valentine's.

Comments are now closed for this post.


Recent Comments

  • Joeylyrics: "On A Day Called Valentine's" Once upon a time... on read more
  • jose: I'll have something for this soon. This was good overall. read more
  • eduwonkette: Matthew Tabor puts up his poem: http://www.matthewktabor.com/2008/02/14/happy-valentines-day-education-blogosphere-a-poem/ read more
  • skoolboy: Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker 'wonk and 'wonkette read more
  • eduwonkette: Over at Ms. Frizzle, she takes the challenge: Some desire read more




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