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Imagining Trump's Big Back-to-School Address on the Importance of Education

White House transcript of President Donald J. Trump's remarks to Mrs. Donna Delaney's kindergarten class. September 5, 2017. 

It's good to be here to welcome you kindergarteners to your first day of school. First, let me just say that education is so important. It is. Trust me. And so many of our schools are failing; they're terrible-it's true, all these other countries, total losers, are beating us. We can do better. Because school helps you be smart and successful. It does. I went to the best schools, the best ones, and look at me. And can I just say, you are such a big crowd. So big. I want pictures, so the very dishonest media, the people right there on the side of the room—yes, you, Fake News—can't say it's not.

I want to tell you how important school was for me. A really, really terrific experience. When I was your age, my father, Fred, a very, very great man—he sometimes called me husky, but I wasn't; I was just the right weight for my height, everyone said so, and I've married many beautiful women, so—my father told me he would give me a little bit of money to get started. But only if I finished school. And I did. And then he gave me a little bit—a million dollars. Not a whole lot, but enough to get started. You need to stay in school, too, because that first million helps. It does, that's so true.

I told that to the Boy Scouts. They were very, very thankful. They all thought my speech this summer was the best. The very best. I got so many, so many calls from so many Boy Scouts and very, very important people—people who you would be so impressed if I said their names—telling me it was the best speech they'd heard about values. It reminded me I should let young people hear me more often.

Because I am so good with younger people, I have a lot to teach them—you see that in my own children. Just look at them. Ivanka is very, very hot. So true. I sent them to the very best schools. Then they went to the very best colleges, the best ones. And now they help run my very, very successful businesses, including my White House. Because they're smart people, smart people. Now, I'll be honest, because I'm very, very honest—not like the Failing New York Times—they would be working for me even if they'd dropped out of high school. That's the kind of father I am. Family is the most important thing. So tell your parents to be very rich and successful. That's so important.

You're very lucky to get to hear from me today. If Crooked Hillary had stolen the election, she'd tell nasty lies about me right now. I know, I know. Sad, so sad. But you're lucky. I'm here—a great, great businessman who owns so many of the best properties, the best hotels and night clubs. If you haven't stayed at a Trump Hotel, you should. The rates are very, very reasonable—the best for all the wonderful things you get.

People said to me, when they heard I was coming here—some of the most famous, very best people—they said to me, "Why go talk to little children? You get to go to best parties with the hottest women. You live in a bigger, more beautiful apartment than anyone."

But I said—to these very famous people—that we're spending so much on your school, and yet so many of you are still so very far behind those students in China and other places you've never heard of. Sad! So I thought I should come over here and talk to you. That's what I really want to say today. Even if you're not very hot, you can work hard in school. You can learn about poems and algebra and One Corinthians 29. And then you'll get bigger, I know you will, and bring all the jobs back. Look at me. I'll tell you something, I was once short. But look how important I am now. So study hard.

How important am I? I could kill someone. I could. No jury would convict me. And I could pardon myself if I want. The pardon is absolute. If your parents say it's not, they're very dishonest and just weak on the Constitution.

I want to leave you with some very, very good advice: real estate. That's where the money is. See your teacher? She's never going to build equity. I'll tell you why. No financial leverage. No real assets. I know; it's sad. Me? I got very rich, so much richer than people you may think are rich. And I did it flying around the world with the hottest women, the hottest ones. I'm very modest—I just tell the truth, okay? A very, very modest person, but this is why I'm a role model. And if you do these things—and believe me, my advice is the best, it really is—you can help me make America great again. Thank you.

Transcript ends.

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