In the Middle

Three years ago I was one of the new teachers at Arundel High School. A 45 year old new teacher. I was bringing a lot of experience to the classroom -- but the experience was as a parent, a childcare provider, a business owner, a writer. My experience was not in the classroom as a teacher. I was enthusiastic but terrified.

The second and third years were easier. Less terrifying because I knew what to expect. I knew Arundel's school policies, grading procedures, discipline patterns, hallways, and staff. I knew a lot of students, and knew a lot about our student demographics. I was more confident and more enthusiastic.

So year four of my career and what do I do? Put myself back into the position of being the new teacher. Today is the first day back for teachers, and I am a little terrified. A new school and a new position -- as Department Chair for Special Education, Southern Middle School. I'm also teaching two classes. Social Studies (one of my areas of certification) and Science (a brand new field for me). I think I got a little cocky. I understood my responsibilities at Arundel as a Teacher, so I jumped right in when someone said "You could be a department chair. Will you apply?" I have accepted all these new responsibilities, and I am terrified all over again.

There is an advantage to terror though. As any kid on a roller coaster will tell you, the adrenalin it generates gives you incredible energy. So I am kind of hyper, looking through papers, asking questions, organizing my calendar, etc. I am planning my welcome talk to the department teachers, I am memorizing staff names and positions, I am thinking about what I should wear to make a good first impression. I cleaned my house yesterday just to use up some of that energy.

It is also exciting. I thrive on challenge. That kid waiting in line for the roller coaster has to face her fear and climb in when her turn comes up. I'm trying to face my fears this morning. I want my excitement to overcome my fear.

I am mentally packing my strengths in my teacher-bag to bring with me to my new school. I like learning something new. I like working with people, so my dependence on others for help is good. I am a good classroom teacher. I have a master's degree (so I do have some authority!). I was invited to apply for this job, so the central office must think I am capable. I am patient, and flexible, and creative. I am strong because I recognize my terrors and face them head-on.

So here's to all us "new" teachers. Here's to all teachers, who head back to school with a teacher bag full of strength and energy. Work hard to get ready for school. Remember: once you accept the terror for what it is, the roller coaster is fun!

Posted by at 5:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Un momento por favor. This week I was a struggling learner in Spanish class. I want to become fluent in Spanish, so I challenged myself to learn this new language. I grew up hearing Danish at home, although I did not really use it myself. I studied French in high school and college (I’m not fluent, though I should be). I am interested in multicultural studies and anthropology, so I seek out other cultures.

You would think learning Spanish would be easy. There are a lot of Latino people in Maryland now, although not that many students in my new school. I hear the language, and listen to Spanish radio sometimes, and read about Latino issues, so I should be able to learn the language. Spanish words and phrases are found everywhere.

But a reminder – I am going to be 49 in two weeks, and I think it’s true that it’s harder to wrap an older brain around a new language. Tengo cuarenta y nueve anos. I have to study harder and longer to memorize new vocabulary or verb tenses. For me to really learn Spanish, I am going to have to apply it. Use it. Try it out for myself. Risk it all by trying my new knowledge. That’s what this class is designed to do – build basic competence and confidence so we’ll try to use what we’ve learned.

There was a point in class where I became very frustrated – I think it was on Tuesday, the second day of class. I made a mistake in something I wrote on the board. The teacher corrected it, but I couldn’t figure out how I made the mistake. I was looking at my papers, and realized I had written down an answer from Part C instead of Part B. While I tried to figure out if the rest of my answers were from the wrong section, too, I missed the review of the other answers on the board. While I was trying to catch up with those corrections, she gave the directions for the next activity – in Spanish. I was focused so hard on my paper I didn’t hear a word. Didn’t even know I’d missed anything. By the time I realized what was going on, the class had begun working, and I had to ask the teacher to stop. Más lentamente, por favor! And 20 eyes looked at me to see what my problem was.

I was so frustrated. I was annoyed at myself. I was embarrassed, and wanted to explain to the class that my mistake was a logical one, not a stupid one. I was sorry for interrupting the class. I wanted to give up on that whole section. All I wanted was a couple of minutes to figure out what was going on and fix it! Otro minuto, maestra!

My adrenalin level increased, I didn’t make eye contact with the teacher, and suddenly I wanted to use the bathroom so I could exit the room. I was frustrated, verging on angry. But I’m an adult, so I took a couple of deep breaths, and moved on. I asked the teacher to wait a moment, figured out my problems, caught up, and listened to her repeat the directions. I apologized to the class, and the teacher encouraged me by (1) telling me questions are bueno, and (2) asking if I was ready to continue.

On Wednesday morning I didn’t feel good about going to Spanish class. After a session of self-analysis I felt the light bulb go off over my head. So THIS is what a student in my class experiences when she is struggling, and I don’t notice, and the class moves on without her. Aha! I had been given a great “teachable moment” – and the lesson was for myself.

I am a special education teacher, and many of my students have significantly greater struggles than I experienced. I will start this school year with new understanding of how quickly an enjoyable learning effort can become a task of frustration, anger, and withdrawal. I will try to be a better teacher. I will look for those students who turn their eyes away because they are disengaging. I will actively search for those silent expressions of frustration – head in the hand, pencil erasing madly, flipping pages, sudden need for the bathroom. I will look for those students who are trying out the new language of learning, and who are stumbling on the vocabulary. I’ll look for myself in my students by remembering what it felt like to struggle, to misunderstand, to be left behind.

I must remember that true learning only happens when the student accepts the lesson and applies it, moving the new material from short term memory to long-term comprehension. I’ll be a better teacher this year, because I have to work hard as a language student.

Soy una maestra especial de la educación. Es mi placir. Gracias.

Posted by at 12:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Traveling in a car is a great opportunity for me to read. Brought two books with me on this current trip to Savannah Georgia. Thought I would pass on a mini-review.

First, I've finished Inside Mrs. B's Classroom by Leslie Baldacci. It's the story of a career changer who enters the classroom for all the usual reasons. She is eager, and experienced in many things, used to dealing with lots of people and confident of her skills. Much like many of us who become teachers. And, like almost all of us, she struggled with school politics, limited resources, and student challenges. Interesting book. I could relate to her, but I don't know if I learned anything new.

Also finished Not Much, Just Chillin': The Hidden Lives of Middle Schoolers, by Linda Perlstein. This one gave me some good insights into the minds and lives of this age group. Definitely worth reading. A lot of the book is devoted to how kids feel and think abut their teachers and parents. I have raised two kids of my own, so I could imagine my kids thinking the same things of me. And I can easily imagine students reacting to teachers and education with the attitudes described in the book.

What did I learn? I learned that middle school IS different from high school and elementary school. I also learned that these students feel very great emotion, and that part of their education has to be guiding them in how to handle intense feelings.

I'm trying to get ready for my new assignment as a middle school teacher. I'm learning everything I can. On the way home to Maryland I am studying my Spanish in preparation for a week-long class coming up.

One more book in my bag -- Harry Potter I'd tell you that I'm reading it so I can be current with what some of my students may have read, but this one is really just for me. Because reading is always about pleasure!

Posted by at 5:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)