In the Middle

New Year's is, of course, a time to reflect on Self. Formal resolutions aren't required, but time to look back and the willingness to look ahead are. Last year I wrote about using a notebook to keep track of all my "to-do's". That system has worked well for me. Everyone at my new school knows that I carry a red notebook -- and if they ask me to do something, they ask me to write it in the notebook. That way they know I'll see it again, and remember to actually do the task. I'm spending time today looking through that notebook to identify any tasks that I did not complete. I want to take care of those things early in the new year.

I've bought a new notebook for 2008. There's something about starting fresh, with white pages. It's like the first day of school all over again. I'm ready for new tasks.

I bought myself something else to carry with me this year - a small notebook calendar. I already have a planning book for class, and a school schedule book, both of which live in my "teacher bag". But those are for school, and fill up with meetings and paperwork deadlines, assignments and assessment dates. The squares fill up with time for students, other teachers, administration. I realized that calendar did not have much time for Self.

My new calendar is for all those other things that get lost in the daily rush. I'm writing in the fun things I want to do. I'm recording important family dates, such as birthdays, my daughter's graduation date this May, holiday celebrations. I am also scheduling weekend events. I'm planning museum visits, movie dates, lunches with friends. I'm planning my vacation this summer. In keeping with my resolutions, I'm scheduling in exercise and meditation times.

I am realistic, so I know I will have some work to do on the weekends. But It is so easy to let that work time take up most of the day, so that no time is left for other things. So I am trying to shape that into small blocks -- 1-2 hours Sunday afternoon.

Now I am adding something else to my new calendar. I keep talking about school as "work", and of course it is my job, and it is work. But teaching is my vocation, and I want to celebrate and recognize the "fun" of the job, too. So I am including on my personal calendar some celebration times at school, too. I am writing in Friday "team points awards" for Language Arts class. What a great way to finish the week! I am noting my department meetings, where we share our successes. I'm noting workshops and seminars I'm attending, because professional development is refreshing.

I'm not sure my new system is going to work that well, because now I see that the Self and the Teacher overlap a lot. Perhaps they can't really be separated, but both can be strengthened and balanced. So my resolution is to celebrate and enjoy both -- and focus on not losing the Self in the Teacher.

I wish you great joy in 2008. Celebrate!

Posted by at 8:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I have been sluggish recently. Like a slug, in a slump, for about the last month. I am slumpish. I think my mind is trying to go into hibernation. Each day has become a long list of to-do’s and meetings. Each day’s class follows the same routine. My lunch is boring. I climb into bed the same time each night, and rise around the same time. I don’t want to do much at home. I’m in an early winter cave. No creativity.

I knew I was in trouble when someone said “Good Morning” to me last Monday, and I answered, “At least the weekend is coming”. That is not like me. I’m always optimistic. I’m always ready for a new day. Well, not always anymore. Being a Special Educator seems to be draining me of all strength. Is there such a thing as a fourth-year slump?

I’ve let myself fall into the trap of a pressing schedule at school. I have a relentless round of meetings and paperwork. I’m feeling pressure from parents and advocates, students and administrators. Special Education brings worries about legal obligations and deadlines. Other teachers need help, and students are entitled to their full accommodations. I am always struggling to complete what has to be done NOW, so I’ve lost sight of the importance of my job. There’s been no “big picture” in my school life for the past month or so.

When I think a student is slumping, I ask them to think about things he enjoys, and something he is looking forward to. Have to study for a test? Just think, when it’s over, there’s no studying tomorrow night. I tell kids that if it seems they have a lot to do, stop for a moment and celebrate what is already done. Worried about a paper due? Remember how well you did on the paper in your other class. Good advice I’m applying to myself. Worried about that difficult meeting coming up? Remember how successful last week’s meeting was. Considering a solution to a child’s problem? Call upon the resources that have helped before.

Friday afternoon I worked on an IEP with another teacher. As we considered the needs of this young student, with all his problems,we went round and round about what the school could offer, and how. We worried about it. I realized that all we had to do was write a document addressing those needs and problems. I had to block worries of legal considerations and deadlines. I couldn’t wait any longer for the responses of the “experts” I had called in to help. I had to take care of this young man right now, to the best of my ability. The decision to trust our decisions gave me energy.

I think I’m finding my way out of my slump now. I feel creative again, and enthusiastic. The wicked spell of “sameness” is broken, and I feel spring coming already. I’m going to start this week reminding myself that everything on my “to do” list is important only if it affects the life of a student. Mindless paperwork can wait. I feel like I'm going to get a lot done this week, and some of it may be really important.

I’m doing my job if a student is more successful, less “slumpish” because of something I’ve done, some help I have offered. I'm less slumpish if I am useful, if I accomplish something to make a difference. Out of the slug slump and into the big picture.

Posted by at 8:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)